Bonus Burger: Five Guys – Grandview

Before we launched our blog, John, Jerry and I agreed on an informal set of rules. One of which included, “keeping it local.” In other words: no chains. However, after hearing that there was some awesome debate amongst the owner of Graffiti Burger and the owner of the recently opened Five Guys in Grandview over whose burger is better, we felt that we just had to do a comparison. So, please excuse our brief break from our rules as we take a closer look at the Five Guys’ burger while the Graffiti burger is still fresh in our minds. So, let’s get to it (again we rate on a 5-point scale).

The Patty: We unanimously agreed that the Five Guys’ burger patty did not even compare to the Graffiti burger. The Five Guys patty alone lacked flavor and juiciness. Jerry observed, “Five Guys’ burger patty is very dependent on the cheese for flavor.” Score: 2

The Toppings: Five Guys’ hickory flavored BBQ sauce was pretty awesome. However, the tomatoes were flimsy and had a “plastic-y” taste to them. That is, they tasted like the plastic container they had probably sat in. The sautéed mushrooms had absolutely no flavor to them, but the sautéed onions were quite good. The bright orange American cheese on the Five Guys burger was pretty awesome; it had the perfect melt. Not too melted, but also not, not melted, it was just right. The pickles were ok, but nothing to write home about. While Graffiti Burger served a slice of pickle on the side, a major plus in my book, Five Guys just served slices of pickles on the burger. No side pickle and a lack of flavorful mushrooms brings the topping rating down. Score: 2.5

The Bun: Five Guys’ burgers are served on a sesame seed bun, which I love. Despite the fact that we ordered the burgers for take-out and they were loaded with toppings, the buns were dry when we got home. No soggy buns here! Jerry said, “The bun seemed treated, like it had a coating on it to keep it together. It seemed unnaturally resistant to sog.” However, given Five Guys’ façade of being a more “natural” burger, I am not sure his assessment is true, but it is after all a chain, so it could very well be treated with some fantastic “naturally-derived” (ha!) preservative. Score: 3

Overall Burger Experience: Jerry (the guy who thinks that frozen corn dogs are God’s culinary gift to the world) was not impressed with Five Guys. He said, “I like Graffiti Burger better. The total package at Five Guys is not nearly as flavorful. The patty does not taste seasoned. But, don’t get me wrong Five Guys is a good burger, but Graffiti Burger was just more flavorful.” In a very much appreciated effort to be witty, Jerry said, “I had a cornucopia of burger bliss in my mouth when I bit into the Graffiti Burger. I did not experience this bliss with Five Guys.” Despite my complaints that Graffiti Burger was too greasy, I am going to have to agree with Jerry. The Graffiti Burger overall was much more flavorful and of higher quality than Five Guys. Also, Graffiti Burger has slightly lower prices than Five Guys. So, Graffiti Burger is the clear value winner here. Overall Score: 2.5

Now, I have to mention that John was missing from our tasting. He was busy throwing back a few beers at the local watering hole. However, he did join us for the tasting a little later. Jerry and I didn’t tell John what we thought of the burger; we didn’t want to influence his opinion. John ended up having the exact opposite opinion than Jerry and I. This could potentially be contributed to the buzz-effect. After all, after a few beers Taco Bell is “good food.” In between a big bite, John said, “The patties are firm and delicious.” He did however note, “The actual flavor of the patty was better at Graffiti Burger.” Overall, John said that he was “very pleased – very impressed with Five Guys – that was a solid burger!”

As a reminder, we are only rating burgers until May 8. So, if you have any suggestions for us about a burger that we should consider for our quest to “find the best burger in Columbus” let us know!